Morning. It's scary to have to be an on the ball mum soon. I'm still at the Lady Mary Annexe at the Rosie Hospital which is section of Addenbrookes, the hospital where jaan was born. He was here with me after the delivery in 2008. This new baby probs due in July in the middle of the month.
The Hospital HAVE remodelled all the units - antenatal, delivery, new Birth unit and I struggle to remember locations after recalling them in composite form many times over so its now something I use not to remember today is not "that" day. Today I am rational and managed to choose "numb" and use my mind to make useful decisions yesterday. Cant ask myself to do more, so good job.
They have given steroids to the baby by injections so that the lungs grow in case we have to get Princess Thea out early (temporary name is Theya or Taya or Theadora or Alithea) Theadora is gods gift and Alithea is healing. God obvs is best word available to me - universe, fate, fortuna, chaos, Allah, karma, reincarnation whatevs really how do I know. I only ponder when I have too much downtime.
Mischievous thought - could opt g for a few years or spelling-and-pronunciation activity by going for Theadora Alithea Midgley and thereby seal her fate as a random dyslexic... sods law.
Glad the bleed has gone. Cervix/os business all secure. (Os? Lol operating system? Surely not). Hope to go home. Miss jaan. We send video messages to each other via Iain's phone. There us winter sickness/Norovirus restrictions at the hospital still do under twelves are people to protect if poss. Was very proud that he was showing me the junk food and stickers he was enjoying. Mamma and Abba looked happy too and I know the nuts snd fruit woukd hace been off camera. 2 nights at Mums is no joke theg must all be tired and I am just happy Jaan is cheerful and knows I will be home soon.
I spent the whole night at the Rosie and apart from the first couple of hours managed to control or defuse the post traumatic stress flashbacks. This is hiw far I have come. It has been worth it. Must keep trying.
Cathy came and we walked everywhere for a bit so at night when I was alone I could walk about with my most recent memories being strong ones.
Am sniffing lavender a lot, :) It is sadly not Soma or even diazepandous in any form but I find it irresistible and calming (embalming?snigger). It's the one compulsion. Better than dodge KFC eh?
Last night used Netflix on my phone - get this, Netflix recommended Ghostbusters!!! How well they know me ... even tho only jaan uses Netflix at ours for 'max and ruby' and power rangers samurai. Trying to stay positive and on the ball. No need to think Teya won't make it at this stage. Every day she is with me is a gift I never thought to have, am honoured to have had the chance to protect her yesterday with what little we did. If nothing else I am her mum in every way this weekend, which is a good experience. She is probs asleep right now. Dr will b here soon to do rounds.