I don't usually write from the Front. When an episode is underway I am usually kicking up a fuss somewhere, comatose with misery, or lost in some displacement activity - reading or playing a repetitive game.
This current episode has me very jittery, very, very jittery, agitated and certain of the unfairness involved in how I think anyone would see me, if they were to see me. They'd despise me, (unspecified They of course, such is the nature of mental disease). Being despicable hurts.
I say this, but cannot express just how horrid this moment is.